Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Reactions and Impulsive Behaviours

Therapy often reveals a common pattern: individuals grapple with emotional reactions while neglecting the underlying problem, inadvertently perpetuating their struggles. Examples abound: financial anxiety leads to impulsive spending, weight-related sadness prompts comfort eating, relationship stress drives alcohol use, and social anxiety fuels avoidance. These behaviours offer momentary relief but exacerbate long-term problems, creating a vicious cycle.

Emotional impulsivity stems from automatic, reflexive responses to distress. The dual-process model of behaviour, explains impulsive actions as often being governed by reflexive, emotion-driven processes rather than deliberate, goal-oriented thinking. For example, a person stressed about finances may spend impulsively to seek immediate relief, momentarily dulling their anxiety but worsening their financial woes.

CBT Model: Breaking Down the Cycle

CBT posits that emotions, thoughts, and behaviours are interconnected. In the context of impulsivity:

1. Triggering Emotion: An initial feeling, like stress or sadness.

2. Automatic Thought: A reflexive interpretation (e.g., “I deserve this treat,” or “I can’t handle this pain”).

3. Behavioural Response: An impulsive action aimed at short-term emotional relief.

4. Reinforcement: The behaviour temporarily alleviates distress, reinforcing the cycle.

Understanding this process is the first step toward breaking free.

Self-Help Strategies to Counteract Unhelpful Behaviours and Worry

Behavioural Experiments

Step-by-Step Guide: Crafting the Perfect Behavioural Experiment

Behavioural experiments are a fantastic way to challenge unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours. They’re part science experiment, part personal development, and all about building a more accurate and helpful perspective on life. Here’s how to design and carry out the perfect behavioural experiment:

Step 1: Identify the Target

Think of the behaviour or belief you want to work on. This might involve something you avoid, overdo, or believe will lead to disaster.

Examples:

• Behaviour: Avoiding presentations at work.

• Belief: “If I do the presentation, I’ll go red and pass out.”

• Behaviour: Overspending.

• Belief: “If I didn’t overspend, I’d blow up in another area of life.”

Step 2: Formulate a Specific Prediction

Once you’ve nailed down the target, translate it into a specific, testable prediction. State the prediction with a percentage likelihood of it happening.

Examples:

• Prediction for avoidance:

  “If I give the presentation, I’ll turn bright red and pass out (80% likelihood).”

• Prediction for overspending:

  “If I stick to a budget this week, I’ll feel so deprived I’ll binge-spend next week (75% likelihood).”

Step 3: Reflect on the Meaning

Why does this behaviour or belief bother you? What would it mean if your prediction turned out to be true? This is the deep-dive moment where you unpack the emotional weight behind the target.

Examples:

• Avoidance: “If I turn red and pass out, people will think I’m incompetent, and I’ll feel humiliated.”

• Overspending: “If I can’t control my spending, I’ll feel like a failure at life and won’t achieve my goals.”

Step 4: Design the Test

Create a clear and concrete test to challenge your prediction. Decide what you’ll do, how you’ll do it, and what you’ll look for to prove or disprove your belief.

Examples:

• Avoidance: Volunteer to give a brief, low-stakes presentation.

  • What to observe: Did you turn red? How red? Did you pass out? How did others react? What did you objectively see?

• Overspending: Stick to a strict budget for one week.

  • What to observe: Do you feel deprived? Did you binge-spend afterward?

Step 5: Add a Secondary Prediction

What else do you predict will happen during the test? Include how you think you’ll feel and how well you think you’ll cope.

Examples:

• Avoidance:

  “I’ll feel extremely anxious (90%) and will struggle to get my words out (75%).”

• Overspending:

  “I’ll feel anxious about not spending freely (80%) and will find it unbearable (60%).”

Step 6: Conduct the Test

Now it’s time for action! Execute the plan exactly as you designed it. Be mindful of what’s happening, what you feel, and any surprises along the way.

Tips for success:

• Take notes during or immediately after the experiment to capture details.

• Remind yourself that the goal is learning, not perfection.

Step 7: Evaluate the Outcome

Once the test is complete, reflect on what actually happened. Compare the outcome to your original prediction and secondary predictions.

Questions to answer:

1. Did your main prediction come true?

2. How accurate was your estimate of the likelihood?

3. What happened to your anxiety during the test? Did you cope better or worse than expected?

4. Were there any surprises?

Examples:

• Avoidance:

  • Prediction: “I’ll turn red and pass out (80%).”

  • Outcome: “I felt nervous, but I didn’t pass out. I may have turned a little red, but no one seemed to notice.”

  • Coping: “I was anxious but managed better than I thought.”

• Overspending:

  • Prediction: “I’ll feel deprived and binge-spend next week (75%).”

  • Outcome: “I stuck to the budget, felt a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t binge-spend. It was manageable.”

Step 8: Re-rate Predictions and Reflect

Revisit your original predictions and re-rate their accuracy. Reflect on what you’ve learned.

Example:

• Avoidance:

  • Original Prediction: “I’ll pass out (80%).”

  • Revised Rating: “More like 20%. My anxiety wasn’t as bad as I thought, and nothing terrible happened.”

• Overspending:

  • Original Prediction: “I’d binge-spend (75%).”

  • Revised Rating: “It was more like 10%. I felt uncomfortable but stayed in control.”

Step 9: Document Your Insights

Write down the results of your experiment, what you learned, and any new beliefs or behaviours to adopt moving forward. The goal is to refine your understanding and challenge future predictions more effectively.

Example Summary: Giving a Presentation

1. Target: Avoiding presentations at work.

2. Prediction: “If I give the presentation, I’ll turn red and pass out (80%).”

3. Reflection: “I’m afraid of being judged as incompetent and unprofessional.”

4. Test: Give a 5-minute presentation during a small team meeting.

5. Secondary Prediction: “I’ll feel extremely anxious (90%) and struggle to get my words out (75%).”

6. Outcome: “I felt nervous but didn’t pass out or even turn noticeably red. I got through it, and people seemed to listen.”

7. Revised Rating: “Passing out was more like 10%, not 80%. My anxiety didn’t stop me from doing well.”

8. Insights: “My fears about presentations are exaggerated. I can handle more than I give myself credit for.”

Final Thought

Behavioural experiments aren’t about proving yourself wrong—they’re about learning, growing, and expanding your comfort zone. Every test helps you refine your predictions and build resilience and tolerence. Start small, stay curious, and trust the process.

Focus on Current, Not Hypothetical, Problems - How to Manage Worry: Tackling Hypothetical and Current Concerns

Worry can feel overwhelming, like an endless loop of "what ifs" and "should dos." But here's the good news: managing worry is possible when you categorize it and respond thoughtfully. Let’s break it down into manageable steps.

Understand Your Worries

Worries fall into two main categories:

1. Current Worries:These focus on real, actionable problems—things you can do something about.

   • Example: “I have an overdue bill that I need to pay.”

2. Hypothetical Worries:These are the “what if” scenarios—future-focused, uncertain concerns you have little or no control over.

   • Example: “What if I lose my job in the future?”

Understanding the type of worry you’re dealing with is key to managing it.

Keep a Worry Diary

Write down each worry as it arises. This serves two purposes: it gets the worry out of your head and helps you analyze it later. For each worry, note:

• The worry itself: What are you worried about?

• Anxiety level: How anxious does it make you feel? (Rate it from 1 to 10.)

• Controllability: Is this a current or hypothetical worry? Can you act on it, or is it a "what if"?

Example Worry Diary Entry:

• Worry: “What if I fail the presentation tomorrow?”

• Anxiety Level: 8/10

• Controllability: Hypothetical

STOP Hypothetical Worries

For hypothetical worries, recognize that you can’t control the future. Instead of spiraling, use the STOPP Technique:

• S – Stop: Pause and take a moment to reflect.

• T – Take a Breath: Slow down your breathing to calm your mind.

• O – Observe: Acknowledge what’s happening. “I’m worrying about something hypothetical.”

• P – Pull Back: Ask yourself: “Is this worry helpful or true?”

• P – Practice What Works: Redirect your focus to something grounding or productive.

Once you've gone through STOPP, move away from the hypothetical worry. Distract yourself with an activity, like a walk, a chore, or chatting with a friend.

Schedule “Worry Time”

Set aside 20 minutes near the end of the day as your designated “worry time.” During this time, review your worry diary:

1. Sort Worries: Separate current, actionable worries from hypothetical ones.

   • Hypothetical: Let go using STOPP.

   • Current: Problem-solve as outlined above.

2. Reflect and Plan: Address what you can and let go of what you can’t.

Important: Outside of this scheduled time, gently remind yourself to postpone worrying until your worry time.

Revisit and Adjust

Check back on your worry diary regularly to see patterns. Are most of your worries hypothetical? If so, practice recognizing them sooner. Are your actionable worries improving through problem-solving? Celebrate your progress!

Final Thought

Worry thrives on uncertainty, but by categorizing, managing, and addressing it thoughtfully, you can break the cycle. A little structure—like a worry diary and worry time—goes a long way in reclaiming your peace of mind. Start today and take back control, one worry at a time.

4. Shift From Worry to Problem-Solving - How to Solve Any Problem Like a Pro

So, you’ve got a problem. Join the club—life’s a problem-solving bonanza. The good news? With the right approach, you can tackle your challenges without turning into a ball of stress. Here’s a step-by-step summary to effective problem-solving that’s practical, engaging, and refreshingly jargon-free.

Step 1: Make a List of Current, Actionable Problems

Grab a notebook, your phone, or the back of an envelope. Write down the problems swirling around your brain right now - and I mean it, actually write it down, in black and white, in your words - don't just think about it more. But here’s the other rule: actionable, current problems only.

• Good: “I’ve overcommitted this week and feel overwhelmed.”

• Not-so-good: “The world is a mess.” (Sorry, not actionable—unless you’re planning to run for office.)

Focus on what you can address. No problem is too small to list if it’s bugging you.

Step 2: Spot the Silver Lining (Yes, It’s There)

Your brain is already doing an excellent job of spotting threats. But let’s flip the script for a moment:

• Could this problem lead to a new opportunity?

• Might it teach you something useful?

For example:

• Problem: “If I go out tonight I might feel anxious and judged by everyone.”

• Opportunity: "I might have a fun time with a close friend I havn't seen in ages".

You’re not denying the challenge; you’re simply opening your mind to possibilities.

Step 3: Keep a Diary of Recurrent Problems

Patterns are powerful. If a problem keeps showing up (like that one friend who “forgets” their wallet every time you eat out), track it. Write down the problem and what actually happened. Often, the outcomes aren’t as disastrous as you feared, and seeing this in black and white helps take the sting out of them.

Example:

• Recurring Problem: “I always dread giving presentations.”

• Actual Outcome: “Everyone liked my slides, and I didn’t pass out. I did feel anxious, but overall - success!”

Step 4: Clearly Identify the Problem

Be as specific as possible. Vague problems are harder to solve.

• Vague: “I’m bad with money.”

• Clear: “I tend to overspend on takeaways every month and don’t save enough for emergencies.”

A precise problem is a solvable problem.

Step 5: Brainstorm All Possible Solutions

Think big. Be wild. Put everything on the table, no matter how ridiculous it seems.

• Takeout overspending solutions:

  • Cook every meal at home.

  • Set a weekly takeout budget.

  • Start a side hustle just for takeout funds.

  • Move to a desert island with no delivery options.

No judgment here—just ideas.

Step 6: Pros, Cons, and Real Talk

Now, let’s evaluate those solutions. What are the benefits? The downsides?

• Cooking every meal:

  • Pro: Healthier and cheaper.

  • Con: Time-consuming, and you hate doing dishes.

• Weekly takeout budget:

  • Pro: Balance between indulgence and savings.

  • Con: Requires discipline.

Remember, there’s no perfect solution. Life isn’t a Disney movie where everything ties up neatly.

Step 7: Suspend Judgment Until the Final Decision

Avoid ruling anything out too early. Sometimes, the “ridiculous” idea might spark a genuinely good one. Keep your options open until you’ve thought everything through.

Step 8: Eliminate the Worst Options

Okay, now it’s time to cross off the duds. Moving to a desert island? Probably not feasible. The side hustle? Maybe more effort than it’s worth. You’re left with practical, actionable solutions.

Step 9: Action the Best Solution (No Excuses)

Pick the option that seems most promising and do it. Execution is where most plans falter, so don’t overthink—just start.

Step 10: Predict the Outcome

Before diving in, write down your best guess of what will happen and how likely it is. This isn’t about being right; it’s about improving your problem-solving accuracy over time.

• Prediction: “Setting a weekly takeout budget will save me £200 a month. Probability: 80%.”

Step 11: Outline and Document the Outcome

Once you’ve put your plan into action, track how it plays out. Did it work? Were there surprises?

• Outcome: “I saved £100 this month—close to my prediction. But I went over budget on a Friday night splurge.”

Celebrate your wins and note what you can tweak next time. Every problem you solve makes you better at tackling the next one.

Problem-solving isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being proactive, flexible, and persistent. By following these steps, you’ll learn to tackle challenges methodically and with less stress. Plus, you’ll get better over time as your predictions and strategies improve.

Now, go forth and conquer those problems—one actionable step at a time.

Build Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotions can feel intense and overwhelming, but you can manage them with simple, effective strategies. By combining tools from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), STOPP, and other techniques, here’s a quick guide to regain emotional balance.

Step 1: Pause and Ground Yourself (The STOPP Technique)

When emotions surge, the first step is to interrupt the reaction cycle. Use the STOPP method to pause and ground yourself:

• S – Stop: Hit the brakes on any immediate reactions. Don’t act impulsively.

• T – Take a Breath: Slow, deep breaths calm your nervous system.

• O – Observe: Notice what’s happening. What are you feeling, thinking, and sensing?

• P – Pull Back: Gain perspective. Ask yourself: “Is this emotion helping me? Is it based on fact or assumption?”

• P – Practice What Works: Choose a healthy action to move forward.

Example:Instead of snapping at someone when angry, take a breath, observe the feeling, and consider a response that aligns with your goals.

Step 2: Choose Opposite Action or Impulse Delay

Once grounded, address the emotion itself.

• Opposite Action: If an emotion is unhelpful or based on assumptions, act opposite to what it urges.

  • Example: Feeling really scared, fearful and anxious at home despite it being your house and knowing that you are completely safe, and everyone around you is safe? Walk around the house as loudly and obnoxiously as you can, see how it shifts the feeling if you act the opposite way.

• Impulse Delay: If the urge is impulsive, delay acting for at least 10 minutes. Use this time to reassess the situation and decide on a thoughtful response.

  • Example: Craving to yell during an argument? Take a walk or write down your thoughts first. Walk away for 10 minutes before coming back.

Step 3: Self-Soothe to Rebalance

After managing the initial emotion, focus on calming your mind and body with soothing techniques.

• Engage Your Senses:

  • Sight: Look at calming images or nature.

  • Sound: Listen to relaxing music or nature sounds.

  • Touch: Hold something comforting, like a soft blanket.

  • Smell: Use a favorite candle or essential oil.

  • Taste: Sip on tea or eat a small piece of chocolate mindfully.

• Practice Mindfulness: Bring your focus to the present moment through slow breathing or meditation.

Example:After a stressful situation, sit in a quiet spot, hold a warm cup of tea, and focus on the sensations.

The goal isn’t to suppress emotions but to align behaviours with long-term goals rather than fleeting emotional relief. Recognising that impulsive actions often stem from emotional urgency helps to build resilience and self-control.

By understanding the interplay of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, you can disrupt the cycle of impulsivity. Self-help strategies rooted in CBT principles offer practical tools to address the problem, not just the feeling, paving the way for lasting change.

Take the first step: pause, reflect, and choose your response. The power to break the cycle is within you.